Raging Frequent Flyer

Summer is quickly approaching and to me, this means one thing: FLYING!!!
I am what most people call a frequent flyer; I am a pro at going through any airports in the world. Packing my bag and carry-on efficiently and in a way that won't alert security...CHECK...Having all my paperwork done and knowing all the tricks in the book to the point where I could do the Ground Attendant's job at checking me in ... DOUBLE-CHECK...Finding my way through any possible airports (where's the baggage claim, security, my gate, what terminal are we in, etc)...TRIPLE CHECK. Having 2 pens with me to fill out custom forms... QUADRUPLE CHECK. Though I try to "enjoy" my wasted time at the airport and in the plane; there are several PASSENGER behaviors which drive me beyond crazy (and I'm pretty sure any Flight attendant would agree with me as well).


~Priority line means PRIORITY. If you don't have the magic card, back off and wait your turn!
~When waiting at the gate, PLEASE do not monopolize 3 seats to sleep or use an extra sit for your knock-off Louis Vuitton bag; your carry-on belongs on the floor, and so do your feet (and your head should lay on top of your neck, not a sit)!
~Don't even dare stealing my miserable pillow and blanket. Do you seriously think American airlines have enough blankets to give extras to everyone...NO, because they are BROKE!!!
~Please move aside instead of blocking the whole aisle when putting your luggage in the cabin compartment!
~Ladies! If you can't lift your luggage, do not carry it with you on board. You are blocking the aisle, and your damn luggage is taking way too much space. PS: do you seriously think you will always find someone to lift your crap for you ~ Please...you're not that Hot!
~Parents, I don't mind your kids being on the plane...I do mind YOU not being able to control your little "bundle of joy" when he/she starts screaming, kicking my sit, or being obnoxious and loud when the whole plane is sleeping! This is NOT Disneyland!!!
~If your physical health prevents you from running, arrive at the gate early!!! You are making everybody late.
~Remember that Plane are PUBLIC TRANSPORTATIONS, just like buses and subways...Sit your butt down if you are going to take 5 hours to get your crap together and get off the plane...other people have connections to make!!!


Now, let's all being a little more cordial, and enjoy the ride j


Sincerely,


In a hurry Y

Up In The Air - Paramount Pictures